I Might As Well Try

Well, what the hell. I might as well try. I’m going to try to get my shit together and start living a healthy life.  I have been overweight my entire life, though it’s gotten progressively worse. I’m 40 now, and with 3 little ones (age 10, 8 & 4 – all blessings through adoption) I’d like to be around long enough to experience their growth into adulthood. I want to meet my grand babies (if my kids choose to have children). I want to go on senior citizen vacation cruises with the love of my life (a freaking saint of a man who puts up with my mood swings, depression, weight gain all while being a fantastic father and husband) . I want to live a life that isn’t encumbered by my health or weight (currently probably about 350 lbs, though we have no scale in the house for me to really know for sure) or mobility. I just want to be normal, dammit,


This is me. No make up. Not even a good pic. Just me. Bam! There you go.

I don’t eat McDonald’s every day. I don’t binge on chips and cookies (ok, maybe a little, but not 350 lbs worth). My problem isn’t necessarily as simple as “eat less, move more.” My body isn’t normal.  I so admire people who seem to be so in tune with their body. I have never been like that. My body has just never “worked” the way it was supposed to: weight, mensuration, PCOS, hormones, digestion, fertility, you name it, I’m a mess. A fucking hilarious mess, mind you, but a mess.

I have PCOS, which makes what I do eat (the typical diet of most Americans these days- a bevy of processed foods, complete with GMOs, preservatives, artificial flavors and colors, and a variety of chemicals that I can’t pronounce) attack my body.

I have know I have PCOS since I was in my very early 20s.  And even in my teens I had an irregular menstruation cycle. Doctors answered that problem with birth control pills, but once I got married at age 23, I went off them, and the irregularity continued. Then came the facial hair (that was a treat). And by the time I was in my mid-30s I had adult acne, sleep apnea, skin tage, a swollen-looking adomen, and my weight was ballooning out of control.

PCOS Awareness Infographic (PRNewsFoto/PCOS Challenge, Inc.)

PCOS Awareness Infographic (PRNewsFoto/PCOS Challenge, Inc.)

So here I am. Fuck.

Let me just say, I hate doctors. Hate them. Hate them. Hate them. I have Iatrophobia (fear of doctors), and I can honestly say I have never met a doctor that I felt comfortable seeing. They all seem to be in a hurry, quick to diagnose, condescending and dismissive. You’re overweight? Eat better. This pelvic exam hurts? No it doesn’t. Just breathe. (yes, a doctor actually said this to me). And then there are the ones who never call you back. Ok, I get the hint. I’m too much hassle. Can’t say I blame them.

So, at this point, I’d like to see if I can make some changes in my health and happiness by changing my diet. The Paleo Diet is based upon everyday, modern foods that mimic the food groups of our pre-agricultural, hunter-gatherer ancestors. Basically it means, I will eat natural whole foods-mainly meat, fish, vegetables, and fruit, while excluding dairy or grain products and processed food. Wish me luck!